Caution: Contents Fragile

I'm feeling overly sensitive today. Looking for meaning in things that hold none. Overanalyzing insignificant events and anxiously looking for approval from those around me. I'm sure all of these things can be attributed to fluctuating hormones but still, knowing that doesn't take the emotions away.

A couple weeks ago was my 2-year anniversary at work. A few days later was a co-worker's 4-year anniversary. Well today a guy at work that I have a hard time being around (my mantra around him is Bambi's mother's message of "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"), bought this co-worker a huge personalized ice cream cake with the words "Congratulations on 4 years of service". Our daily schedule today congratulated him as well. I realize he's been here twice as long as me (not even if you count my year of co-op here), and I realize that nobody but me knows my hormonal cycle, but it left me feeling unappreciated and a little lonely.

I'm trying really hard to not let it get to me. I'm having a hard time lately dealing with the Hindu/Buddhist concept of being ego-less. It's really hard. The Bhagavad Gita recommends to avoid giving compliments because they just feed the ego of the receiver. Compliments make people feel good though, and recognition, whether it be professional or personal builds up your self confidence. So how do you let go of that? Not needing or relying on that feedback is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. We do need feedback to grow and learn, but that shouldn't dictate why we do the things we do. We should be confident and comfortable jby our own accord, not needing external gratification. But it feels good to be praised and to be acknowledged. I suppose the process of taming your ego is one that lasts a lifetime. And maybe it has more to do with actions... doing things (acting) without any attachment to the outcome. Non-attachment... another internal, mental battle. Battle implies force though and that seems contrary to the whole concept.

Regardless, I am aware of how I feel today and that I suppose is a start. Awareness. Knowing that I am interacting with the people and things around me and that I can choose how to respond.