One thing after another...

Every now and then, when I get the flu, I get a major bout of excema on my hands. Doesn't always seem to have to be the full-blown flu though, sometimes just being sufficiently nauseous is enough to get it started. The other night after dinner my stomach was a bit upset. I brought leftovers for lunch yesterday and a while later my stomach hurt again. Last night after some carrots and dip for dinner (still feeling kind of queasy) I felt really nauseous and crampy. This morning I was only able to have a glass of water before rushing to the bathroom. You know that feeling where you produce a ton of excess saliva, that feeling right before you throw up? Yes, very nice. I didn't throw up, but I noticed my hands were a bit swollen. Noticing that is enough to bring me to tears. Another symptom that I've really only noticed the past couple times this has happened is extremely sore hips. My outer hip bones get really sore and sensitive, sometimes the pain migrates down into my femurs too.

This isn't ordinary excema. My hands get red and hot and swollen and itchy (this is the palms of my hands and spreads up my fingers). It gets so uncomfortable that I have to physically hold my hands stretched open because even just in a relaxed state the pressure of all the fluid building up gets very painful - and itchy, but if you scratch it, it hurts. Little blisters will start to appear and if it is left untreated the blisters will all join up into one giant, oozy mess, which after being red and angry-looking for a while will start to seep. The top layer of skin hardens and eventually peels away. This whole process takes about 2-3 weeks. It is incredibly uncomfortable and debiliating, mostly because I lose the use of my hands.

The worst episode I had was when I was about 13 years old, following being sick with the flu at Christmas-time. I had a referral to a dermatologist and he started me on a crazy regimen of steroids, tar soaks and creams to save my skin. Since then as soon as I feel the tightening in my palms I usually burst into tears and head to the doctor asap to get my dose of steroids (prednizone to be specific and I have to start with one hell of a dose to have any effect). Today though, I came to work. I missed so much last week because of my stupid shoulder that I feel bad taking a day off, and it's hard to explain to someone that even though it doesn't look like much (and really only I can notice the subtle swelling and flushed nature of my hands right now) it will turn into something really ugly. I'm kind of hoping it will maybe just go away, although it really seems from my experience that once the ball is set in motion, there's no stopping it.

I feel anxious today. I'm only working till noon, then we have a bbq to go to, from which I think we can leave early. A bunch of us were going to go to the beach and to the pool for a swim. Maybe I'll have to go wait in a clinic to see a doctor to get my fix. It's kind of awkward going to see a doctor and requesting a specific medication. Doctors are often hesitant to give it to me too, because it is really strong, they try to suggest alternatives, but to me it's too risky. I know prednisone works and that's all I want.

I'm really interested in putting the whole picture together. What is it about being nauseous that triggers the swelling? Excema is an auto-immune disorder... could the pain in my hips be from the production of white blood cells in my bone marrow? Who knows. I just wish it would go away and I wish I knew enough to be able to prevent it from ever happening again.